I’m a “Hopeless Romantic” ...but I Don’t Believe in Soul Mates

I am a hopeless romantic and always root for love and for (healthy) relationships to work out. I love my husband—even when he annoys me to no end. I love long walks on the beach together, waking up early to watch the sunrise together and going on dates, etc. 

I truly believe my husband and I were meant to meet when we did and that everything happens for a reason. I believe it’s no coincidence he shares the same birth date as my dad and that we met on the anniversary of his grand mother’s (whose name was my absolute favorite at the time) death. 

When we met, there was a feeling, a spark of some sort. It’s hard to put into words just how it felt. But I knew something was different. And so did he — I mean he did reschedule his flight three times. 

It’s almost as if we just knew that we were it. But life has a way of happening and such, so there were doubts, as well, especially from all others who thought we were crazy to have met in Vegas. After all, I’m sure you know that famous Vegas tagline...

Still, we made it work. There were flowers, packages, presents, sad “see you laters” and serendipitous “hellos.” Our long distance days were really tough but they were also magical. I truly felt like I was living my favorite love story. Those days most definitely set a strong foundation for our marriage

Despite my homeless romanticism and love for my husband, I do not believe in soul mates. I don’t think I ever have. Here’s why: 

The idea of soul mates is too perfect given the complexities of human beings. 

As articulated in a recent TIME article

[T]he term ‘soulmate’ can be dangerous. It can connote perfectionism — and perfection in relationships is essentially unattainable. ‘If you believe in soulmates, then you are less likely to work through [problems] because this person was supposed to be perfect and everything was supposed to be easy,’ [psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.] says. But being able to confront conflict as a couple is imperative to growing a healthy relationship, he added.

Relationships take work... lots and lots of work. There are disagreements, arguments, varying opinions and so on. Each partner is uniquely their own person and neither one is perfect. To me, if soul mates existed, none of this would be true. Instead, relationships would be perfect.  

While I don't believe in soul mates, however, I do believe in fate and being the loves of each other’s lives.  I believe in love -- true, everlasting, worth-all-the-work love. I believe in it because of what my husband and I have. 

This life we’ve built, the memories we’re creating and our boys we’ve made ... they are worth all the work and more. 

No comments